Broken Wings
by Caralin942
Summary: Keliara is a budding balance druid who accepts being cast out by her family to follow her heart and be with the man she loves. This story follows her journey through life, death, horror and love. M for gore/sex/language.
1. Chapter 1

AN: This is a story I've been working on for a LONG time, ever since I acquired the swift flight form for my beloved balance druid….er….crit chicken. :D Her story is very involved and complicated and I figured I'd just put it in story form. This also may be my half assed attempt at participating in NanoWriMo. Also- this is my first attempt at first person POV. :X

Anyway. Enjoy. :D

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*Broken Wings*

"_Sometimes the greatest challenge is standing up to people you love, for the morals you love."_

The lush dark forest whispered around me, the violet green and blue leaves rustling in a hushed cacophony of voices. The moonlight trickled through the singing branches, bathing me in its glittering glow, dancing over my skin and hair in motes of light.

I sat in the aromatic grass, concentrating on the feel and sound of the forest around me. It pulsed with life and sentience, under and around me, the voices of everything whispering to me in a million tones and pitches. A bird murmured to herself as she covering her softly peeping chicks with the warm downy feathers of her belly. A colony of ants marched about, chanting monotonously as the performed repetitive but necessary tasks for their demanding queen. The trees creaked and rumbled in their deep resonating voices as their roots touched the heart of the earth. I drank it all in, savoring everything I was hearing and feeling.

I changed my focus to the moonlight. It almost chimed in an ethereal melody as it fell through the whispering leaves, and I could feel it dance on my lilac skin. I distracted myself momentarily, pulling the restricting hair tie from my tresses, never opening my eyes as I let them fall down my back in a shimmering pearl cascade.

I tried pulling the moonlight between my fingers, feeling it there, imagining it focusing into a beam. A flash of light shone before me, and I gasped, opening my eyes to see a pillar of moonlight. Power tingled in my hands and rushed through me, filling me with exhilaration at what I had done.

I got up, satisfied with what I had accomplished. I turned to return home and the met the stern and disapproving glare of my mother. Her silver eye gazed at me scathingly from her scarred face, her dusky blue brows knitted into a scowl of anger. As I always did, I avoided looking at the mass of scar tissue where her left eye had once been- the scar ran over the entire left half of her face, and ran down her neck, stopping at the top of her breast, knotted and twisted; the cruel reminders of the cruel father of mine that had mauled her and ran off to Silithus after finding out I was not the son he had wanted. After eighteen years I still could not bring myself to look her directly in the face. She had been beautiful once- so my aunt Selindrila had told me- and her scars scared me. She was not beautiful to me in any way. Had she been unscarred I still would not have found my mother beautiful.

"I'm going to pretend you didn't just waste four hours of study teaching yourself moonfire when you could have been learning how to wield the light of Elune," she said heatedly and stormed away, headed for the house. I swore under my breath.

I hated how my mother tried her hardest to deny the path of druidism that called so strongly to me. She herself had been a druid, but she no longer used her abilities. Not after the fight with my estranged father. Not after that night when she had presented me to him when he returned fromFeralas, a few months after my birth. He had become enraged, and shifted into the fierce form of a dire bear, and mauled my mother for her failure to have a son, then disappeared to fight in the war against the threat in Silithus.

Or so she told me.

My aunt and uncle spoke naught of my father, or the incident that involved him and my mother only spoke ill of my father. I suspected that the stories she told were fabricated and rooted in bitter resentment. When I finally left her home I would seek the answers myself. For now, I simply had to wait another year to be of age to leave her home, or be courted. I laughed in spite of myself. Me, courted; a humorous wish. Me, with my long nose, thin face, awkward freckles and a figure slighter than most females. I was hardly desirable.

I slipped into the house, ignoring the smoldering gaze of my mother as I headed to my room. The sky was slowly turning pale lavender as dawn tinged the heavens- my cue to retire to sleep. I slid into the soft bed, drawing the soft silky sheet over myself, listening to the soothing lullaby the woods provided me- murmuring, chiming, thrumming, primitive and ancient.

"I will never stop hearing this cacophony of voices. I will always be a druid. You will never stop me, mother," I whispered fiercely as I rolled over.

"No one will stop me."

---

I knew as soon as I woke that evening that my mother would still be simmering in anger. Talishae A'folan was one to hold a grudge. I dressed in a plain white robe to please her, plaiting my hair. She didn't look happy with me as I emerged into the kitchen, but the hard tight line of her mouth lessened as she noticed I was garbed in the style of a novice priestess.

She soundlessly handed me a small piece of bread and a flask of water. I said nothing of the simple, almost insufficient fare in the presence of a bird roasting over the fire, turning a golden brown as its aroma filled the house tantalizingly. It was how she punished me, but it mattered not. I never went hungry with my friends around.

As if summoned by my thoughts, Ythira knocked on the door. My mother brightened immediately and beckoned my best friend in. As usual, Ythira was the picture of pious beauty, dressed in mooncloth robes, her aqua hair combed until it shone, and hanging to her soft mauve shoulders. She smiled at my mother, the blue butterfly markings on her face crinkling gently.

"Good evening, Lady A'folan," she said politely, curtsying slightly.

"Good evening, Ythira, always good to see you," my mother replied, her mood lightening with every minute.

"I've come to escort Keliara to the temple for our week long training," Ythira said.

My mother swung her gaze towards me and I nodded, making her smile more.

"Very well. I'll see you girls in a week," she said happily.

Ythira and I left the house and called our sabers to us. Keeka, my black saber, ran up to me happily, her silver stripes shining. I loaded my pack and slid into the saddle while she purred, eager to run. Ythira sat on her white striped cat, waiting patiently. Once I had the reins, we let the great felines breaking into an easy loping run.

"So what did your mother catch you doing this time?" Ythira said in amusement.

I rolled my eyes, and adjusted my hips to move with Keeka's rolling gait.

"Moonfire," I said simply. Ythira made a soft sound of amusement.

"First wrath, now moonfire. It seems you're on your way to being a balance druid."

I nodded, excited.

"It's exhilarating."

"So I take it you'll want me to provide an alibi while you spend your week showing Loth'loren?" she asked slyly, smiling at me.

My heart fluttered in my chest as she mentioned his name. Loth'loren. An experienced Druid of the Talon; a spy. He was well skilled in mastering the form of the storm crow and soaring through the skies undetected. He dabbled in the ways of balance, but as far as his actual calling, he preferred the skies. My heart continued to stutter at the thought of his smooth smile and fierce yet kind, intelligent golden eyes. Ythira smiled.

"You've taken quite the fancy to him," she said, her grin wicked. Matchmaking- or meddling as I saw it- was one of her favorite things. I tried to keep my face neutral.

"I enjoy his company- he's a good tutor."

"He's noticing how you're almost of age…of age to be courted. I've seen it on his face," Ythira said, but there was no hint of cunning in her voice now.

"I know, but there are far better prospects than myself," I said, my heart sinking as I said it, the thought making me slightly put out.

"You'll just have to wait. After all, if he's interested, he has to ask your mother for permission," Ythira said gently. The thought didn't make me feel better. We were nearing his home. Instead of a house he'd communed with a large tree that shaped its branches with chambers and ramps to make a beautiful and natural home.

He sat outside, sewing a piece of leather armor, the moonlight falling on his periwinkle skin. He looked up as Keeka mewled happily upon seeing him- she loved the treats he made her.

A lock of shoulder blade length, midnight blue hair fell over his clean shaven face. His fine mouth shone with one of his slow easy smiles.

I admired the length of him as he headed over to us. Loth'loren was of average height, but slim and lean- didn't aspire to be heavily muscled like most Kaldorei males. He also stood more at ease, usually with his weight resting on one hip; his smiles voice and laughter was soft, relaxed and warm.

"I see you're providing an alibi for Keliara again, eh Ythi?" Loth'loren laughed.

"Aye," Ythira said, grinning. "Lady A'folan was grumpy this morning."

I snickered. Grumpy was putting it lightly. Ythira waved farewell and headed down the road towards the temple. Loth'loren extended his arms, and without hesitation, I leapt of Keeka's back and into his arms. Keeka purred and headed towards the grassy knoll near Loth'loren's home where his own saber, Daerga, was resting quietly.

Loth'loren smoothed my hair gently, frowning slightly at the braid; he liked my hair loose. I pressed my cheek against his chest, trying hard not to shudder as he ran his fingers over the top of my head and a few fingertips brushed my ear.

"You angered your mother again. What did you do this time?" He asked quietly.

I didn't respond at first, enjoying the scent of him- a semi-sweet woodsy musk with a hint of leather and the dust from feathers- and the feel of his chest under his soft leather jerkin against my cheek. I sighed out of nerves, irritation and contentment.

"I finally mastered moonfire," I muttered against his chest. He made a soft rumble of contentment in the back of his throat.

"Well done! I take it she caught you?"

"She did," I grumbled, pursing my lips in a pout. I was sulking, but I didn't care. Loth'loren never told me to suppress what I was feeling as opposed to my mother, and it felt good to express myself, however childishly I did so.

"Don't fret, Keli-bird," he said warmly, using his nickname for me.

I was glad my face was still against his chest where he couldn't see me blush. He rubbed my shoulder then pulled away and extended a hand to me.

"Come Keliara. Let's extend your knowledge in the ways of balance, as it's obvious that's the path that calls to you. Today I'll begin teaching you how to master starfire."

I took his hand and went with him to continue my study of my one passion, and my quiet defiance of my oppressive mother.

----

I sighed contentedly, nestling back into the soft chair with a warm bowl of stew. Through the ever open windows a balmy breeze and the songs of the forest came wafting through. Loth'loren smiled at me from his chair, eating his dinner quietly.

"I love when you come to visit- you always look happier here than when you show up from home," he remarked. I nodded, careful not to dribble any stew on my front.

"I am happier here. I don't have to hide who I am when I'm here with you."

Loth'loren smiled, but it was apprehensive- he seemed like he was about to ask me something or tell me something serious.

"You never have to hide who you are with me, and shouldn't have to hide who you are ever again. I appreciate you for all that you are, Keliara," he said simply, going back to his meal.

My spoon jerked halfway to my mouth as he said this, spilling stew on my chin. He reached over and wiped it off tenderly.

"Don't burn yourself, Keli-bird," he said, getting up to wash his bowl.

My heart thumped against my ribs, and I finished off my meal, hoping to finish before he retired to sleep for the day. As I got up to wash my bowl, I bumped into him. He took the bowl from me.

"You should retire for the night. You worked hard today, and I'm proud of you."

I had worked hard. This week I'd mastered the forms of the bear, panther and cheetah. I was disappointed that we didn't have time for me to try and master the form of the moonkin, the ultimate pinnacle of balance training. I shook my head.

"I have to go home tomorrow. I want to spend more time with you."

He smiled and set the bowl on the table.

"Come with me, Keliara," he said.

He took me by the hand and we climbed to the top of the tree, where he sat on a wide branch, and pulled me into his arms, holding me against his chest. This sudden affection surprised me- he'd often embraced me, but it was platonic in nature, completely different from the tenderness with which he held me now. I didn't protest and leaned my head against his shoulder, closing my eyes. He rested his cheek against my head.

"Tomorrow will be different, but only if you want it to be," he murmured.

"What do you mean?" I asked, knowing full well what he meant, but I could scarcely believe it.

"Keliara, I want to go home with you tomorrow and ask your mother if I can court you."

I thought my heart might explode from happiness – and fear. Mother would never let me be Loth'loren's mate- or the mate of any druid for that matter! I closed my eyes and soaked in the feel of him against me, his arms around me that were strong and warm, his scent in my nose, and I set my jaw, my resolve set. Mother would not take this from me. I twisted around so that I faced him, and looked into his eyes.

"Yes, Loth'loren," I whispered, running a trembling hand down his arm. He took my hand and kissed it tenderly, but was silent, pulling me to him so that I might curl up in his arms. He purred happily, a habit that I would someday pick up as a druid, and I leaned into his embrace as close as I could, the both of us watching the stars fade, dreaming of the next night and the change it would bring.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Thanks for the review, Kitty- I appreciate the compliments :D

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I woke up that next evening with a sense of dread and excitement. I was going to my mother's house…but wouldn't be staying. I would be leaving as Loth'loren's future mate. The thought filled me with a nervous joy, and I tried not to think of what would come after that. My mother had never said anything to me on the subject of sex, mating or courtship- she had expected me to be a chaste priestess, not a balance druid in love. My eyes narrowed at the thought, another reminder of why I disliked my mother so. I shook the nagging thought from my mind. I wouldn't let her ruin this. Not today.

I left my hair down, and combed it briefly, enough to make it shine, but not enough to take out the waves from sleep. I reached out the window and pulled a moonflower off the windowsill, affixing it over the top of my right ear.

I paused. Did I dream that Loth'loren has asked me to be his mate? Had I merely dreamed it all? Was there a chance that none of it had happened? I panicked. Surely I was deluding myself and was about to look a fool! I whirled on my toes, wondering what to do when the door opened.

Loth'loren was shirtless, but wore an indigo leather cassock, and had his hair gathered in a loose tail at the base of his neck, the long strands hanging down his back. Dark violet and gold fathers were artfully arranged in the leather thong that tied back his hair- feathers from his own wings in flight form. In his arms he carefully cradled an indigo, violet and gold dress. He held it out to me almost ceremoniously, and I knew what it was.

"My own father made this for my mother when he beseeched her family for their blessing of their joining. If you wish, you can wear this, as I don't think you brought formal clothes for this occasion," he said quietly.

Tears pooled in the corners of my eyes, and happiness, relief and elation flooded through me like a warm wave. I hadn't dreamed the night before at all! He truly wanted me to be his mate! I took the dress from him carefully, kissing his cheek as I held the gown to my chest.

"I would be honored and grateful to wear your mother's betrothal gown, Loth'loren," I told him, my voice shaking a bit.

His face broke out into a gorgeous emotional smile, and he bowed slightly, backing out of the room to allow me to dress. I slid the silky gown over my form, the cloth flowing over me like a soft shimmer of mist. The gown fit me almost perfectly, but was a tad tight in the chest. It came off my shoulders and the long elegant sleeves flared out, loose flowing and elegant. I came out of the room, and Loth'loren gave me a trembling smile.

"You look stunning. So elegant and pure."

He reached out and took the flower from my ear, then removed a feather from his hair. He stabbed the sharp quill into the base of the sepals, and then put the flower back on top of my ear, the feather hanging down over the front. He took my hand and placed it on his chest over his heart.

"My heart is yours, Keliara. I've seen you grow and learn, and blossom into the woman I have grown to love, and I cannot live without you by my side any longer," he said softly. I struggled not to cry.

"Loth'loren…I feel my heart flutter like the wings of a bird when someone says your name, and being near you puts my soul at ease. I want to remain by your side as long as I live," I said, tears sliding down my cheeks.

He leaned forward, and gently kissed my tears away.

"Come, Keli-bird."

---

We rode silently on our sabers, my mother's house looming into view. Keeka tossed her head a bit, making an annoyed growl. We'd bedecked their bridles with moon flowers, and the felines didn't like their new accessories. I glanced at Loth'loren. He smiled at me reassuringly, and reached over to stroke my hand. His hands were strong, calloused evenly from hard work, but the tops of those strong hands were soft and warm.

"Regardless of what happens, I'm here for you, Keliara," he said softly.

I nodded and swallowed around the lump in my throat, trying to fight against the panic that was rising in my chest, my heart beating frantically against my ribs like a caged wild bird. My viscera were in fiery knots, twisting and turning in my belly. I steeled myself, and holding my head high in my final act of defiance, I urged Keeka to continue to the house.

Every step Keeka's paws made on the ground reverberated through me, shaking my fluttering heart and trembling stomach as the door opened and my mother stood on the stoop, watching us approach. Could she see the flowers on our steeds' tack? Did she see my hair loose and undone, a flower of virginity and maidenhood over my ear? What was she thinking of the stunning man at my side?

I was now able to see her marred face, and now, more than ever, I found her appalling. Her lips were twisted in a furious seething snarl; her teeth slightly pointed and wicked, were glinting against her skin. Her good eye was narrowed under her furiously knitted eyebrows, and her nose was crinkled in anger as she seethed at what she saw. Even her shoulders were slightly hunched, as though prepared to spring. We came to a stop before her, and she shrieked at me with a voice akin to that of an enraged cat. She denied her druidic path, but more than ever she reminded me that once on a path that called to you, you could never leave it, and the path of the feral druid was simmering within her even now.

"What is the meaning of this? Is this some stunt the hooligans in Darnassus made you do? Who is this druid?" she screeched like an enraged alley cat, spitting out the word druid as though it were tainted with poison and left a bitter taste in her mouth.

Internally, I bristled as she passive-aggressively insulted Loth'loren, but kept my façade of calm and serenity. Loth'loren was already off his saber, and he held my hand, helping me dismount. I came just outside of an arm's length from my mother.

"Mother," I began, and today, calling her as such made me feel bitterly sad. "This is Loth'loren. I've known him from town since I was old enough to take trips to the temple. He is a strong, hard working and caring man, and he came home with me today to meet the woman who raised me."

She made no reply, eyeing Loth'loren with hatred as he bowed in her direction. The gnashing of her sharp teeth became audible as she continued to scrutinize him. His calm handsome face belied no emotion as she threw the most venomous of glares at him.

"Lady A'folan, I have seen your daughter grow, learn and blossom into a beautiful woman of intelligence and strength. I adore her spirit and heart, and I have come to love her with all my soul. I came here with her today to ask your blessing and permission to court her to be my mate," he said serenely, kneeling before my mother.

Her voice choked in her throat and her eye grew wide in fury as she took in my garb, the feather over my ear, and his matching attire.

"You're training her to be A DRUID!" She shrieked, flecks of sputum flying from her mouth, a vein throbbing in her neck.

Loth'loren finally showed a bit of indignant anger, his forehead crinkling slightly as he frowned.

"Your daughter is nearly grown. It's her decision on what path she takes. It would not be healthy for her spirit to ignore what calls to her so strongly," he said, his voice soft but his tone firm and assertive.

My mother turned on me, and the fact that her nails were turning into claws did not get past me. I felt the form of the maternal and protective bear stir within me, ready to encase my form and protect me, should the need arise.

"You…ungrateful brat! You DARE come back to this house to tell me you've been lying to me all these years, that you've been practicing this filthy magic! That you've been betraying me with this heathen of a man, and you've probably been letting him have his way with you, like the ingrate harlot you are!" She screamed, purple-black fur rippling over her shoulders.

"You're wrong, Talishae! You've denied my true calling all these years, you've suppressed my dreams, my talents, and you punished me by nearly starving me! You have never told me that you loved me! Not ONCE can I recall you holding me like a mother should, stroking my hair and telling me that you loved me. NEVER. Never have you been a mother to me! And now you dare to insult my morals and the man I love, after all the neglect you've shown me! I am done being oppressed by you, Talishae A'folan!" I cried, clutching my hands in fists, tears of anger streaming down my cheeks.

"Not a mother? Not a mother after all I've done for you, after all the patience I've shown you? We'll see how you appreciate what you had. You are NOT my daughter- I have no daughter!" Talishae roared, her feline form taking over her, and with her disownment made known, she leapt at me, her claws outstretched, her fanged maw gaping wide.

The protective spirit of the bear enveloped me, and I raised my paws to fend off her attack as she leapt, but a flurry of violet and gold flew at the ferocious form of my mother with a screech that made the both of us cringe and shy away in pain, and in my case, revert to my true form in shock.

I opened my eyes and saw a magnificent storm crow in violet and gold plumage, massive wings unfurled to shield me, clawing at the angry hissing form of Talishae. His gold claws swiped at her face, his wings issuing forth great gusts of air that kept her from advancing on him. He lunged his great beak forward and stabbed her face between the eyes, making her sway on her paws.

"Let her go, Lady A'folan. She is a grown woman. She should be free to walk her own path. If you love her, let her go," he said.

"I never loved her! She is a constant reminder of her horrible father, and her dead sister! I never could love her when every glance at her brought me pain!"

I froze. Dead sister? What did she mean by that? She took advantage of my moment of confusion and leapt at me, and Loth'loren dove into her path, her claws raking his right wing, pulling out the feathers and rending open the skin and flesh. Bright indigo blood began to flow freely.

"NO!" I screamed as my love fell the ground, his wing crumpling underneath him, and he did not move.

Talishae was distracted by the scent of blood, and she swung her head over Loth'loren's motionless form, hunger in her eyes. She was completely lost in her feline instincts.

"No, Talishae. You will not harm him!" I cried, starlight gathering in my palms.

It grew unstable in my grasp, and I unleashed it at her. She flew back, hitting the wall of the house, a loud crack sounding in the air. The shock sent her back into her true form, and she gazed at me in confusion and pain. She clutched at the shoulder she'd broken in the collision.

"Be gone, you trite. I don't want to see you ever again. You are not my daughter. I cast you out of this family."

I met her gaze evenly as I crouched over Loth'loren's non-moving form, seeing if the wounds could be healed by my meager experience in restoration. The wounds were deep, and bled freely.

"You will help me heal him before I leave, as it was your madness that injured him."

"Fall into the Dream and never come out, you whore. Anzu take you," she replied, still muttering nonsense of a raven god, stumbling back into her house and shutting the door on me forever.

Loth'loren murmured softly, and melded into his Kaldorei body. The wounds did not fade, the gashes raking across his shoulder and chest. I pulled the white robes I'd once used as placation for Talishae and ripped them up to bind his wounds. Helping him stand, I murmured apologizes over and over to my beloved, despite his dismissive pleas that it was not my doing. We both got on Keeka's back, sitting myself behind him to hold him up. Whispering to the sabers quietly, we turned and left, heading home, where we belonged.

I found it odd as we left. I had thought there would be some sadness in leaving, but there were no sentimental items in that house, nothing I needed or had attachment to; only chains that bound me to the past. I left feeling free and exhilarant. I had Loth'loren, I had my path, and now, I was heading home- my first home and the only one I'd ever loved.

The wind sang through the branches, ruffling our hair and bringing a sweet scent to our nostrils. Though I knew it to be the sweet scent of the flora of the woods, it held a new quality for me.

It was freedom.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Thanks you guys for the kind reviews and favs! I've been trying to work on this as much as I can, but real life doesn't like me writing sometimes.

* * *

We returned home tired, shaken and sore, but silent, not a word spoken between us as we tended to his wounds. He stopped me from healing them completely. When I protested that they would scar, he simply nodded.

"They will serve as a reminder that we should never deny who we are and the path we are meant to follow- or we lose ourselves."

After that, he kissed me and softly, standing by the window bathed in glowing moonlight, we whispered words of undying devotion and love, eternal promises to cherish one another as mates. He scooped me into his arms then, and carried me to his- our- bedroom, setting me tenderly on the bed. Nerves and excitement rushed through me in a chaotic storm.

I'd never been told what to expect in this. I feared I wouldn't be able to satisfy him. I felt my breath hitch in my chest, panic starting to sink in as I realized I'd never seen a naked male in my life! As though reading me like a book, he smiled at me, then reached out and stroked my cheek. I grabbed onto his hand so he wouldn't see mine shake. His smile was reassuring, but my heart refused to quit galloping against my ribs, which felt too tight.

"If you're not ready for this," he said softly. "We can wait."

Stubbornly, and to hide my fear, I shook my head, one of his feathers fluttering to the floor where the moonlight caught the soft down at the base of the shaft, creating a small nimbus of color to burst along the downy fibers.

"We shouldn't put this off unless your wounds hurt. I'm just…," I stammered, searching for a word that wouldn't make me sound horribly afraid, but my voice came out small, my words shaking.

"Inexperienced," he finished for me quietly, smiling still, but his smile was anything but mocking. He pulled me against his chest, wrapping his lean warm arms around me, kissing my ear. I clung to his warmth and strength, trying to use it to push away my childish fears. He made a small noise in his chest then pulled away.

"Only if you want, Keli-bird," he whispered. I simply nodded. I was a woman now; I had pledged to be his mate and wouldn't back down from something as natural as lying with him as such.

He took off his cassock, and as I reached with my own hands to pull off my dress, my hands felt clumsy, my fingers fat and useless. I took a tiny sharp intake of breath, furious with myself for this horrible clumsiness. He made a small soothing sound and pulled the robe over my head, saying nothing as I flushed so furiously my face burned as though standing near a fire.

I stared at the floor. I had no idea what to do now- did I try to rouse him? Did I wait for him to advance? Did I lie on the bed? What was I to do?

As I raced these thoughts through my head, his arms ensared me in a warm embrace once more, and I buried my face in his chest. He'd held me this way before, but before we'd both been clad in leather. His bare skin was soft, and his belly, flat and smooth, warm pressed against my own felt so good. The firm warmth between his legs pressed slightly against my groin and a fire raced through my loins. His hands skimmed up and down my sides, sending pleasurable waves through my body. He guided me to the bed and laid on his side next to me as he pulled the blankets over us. My breath hitched again, and I trembled a bit.

"I'm…I'm nervous, Loth'loren," I whispered.

"Don't be," he replied, a deep murmur in his throat as he kissed my forehead.

"Tonight I will love you for your pleasure. I will make you feel like a queen, and I will be tender and gentle as I possibly can."

He kissed my throat, purring softly, and slowly moved his weight on top of me, and the kisses he planted along my collarbone made pleasure and desire wash away my fears, the heat flooding my senses, and slowly, I began to move with him in the darkness.

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I woke what seemed like ages later, but by looking out the window I could see I'd only been asleep a few hours. My mate lay asleep beside me, his chest warm against my back, the comforting weight of his strong arm feeling good draped over my waist. His breath, hot upon my neck almost lulled me back to sleep, but I soaked up as much of the moment as I could. I would remember this for eternity- his quiet breathing, the gentle living throb of his heartbeat against my back, and the feeling of passion and joy- here, with my mate, free from my mother.

Loth'loren mumbled my name in his sleep, making my heart ache with love for him, and he pulled me closer to him. I rolled over and pressed my cheek against his chest, cherishing the sound of his heartbeat. As long as I have this in my life, I thought, I will always be complete. I closed my eyes and let his presence lull me into the best sleep of my life.

----

The nights with Loth'loren were never long enough. We lives happily together, a pair of the happiest druids you'd ever meet. We made my aunt Selindrila sick sometimes with our continuing newly-mated bliss.

I was more than proficient as a balance druid, and with my mate's training, I flourished, learning more everyday. Soon I was able to call upon stars to aid me in combat, and summon treeants to help me. I teasingly named them human names- Terrence, Clarence, and Mark- odd strange names of human wizards whispered from the Sentinels. The names of wizards in alliance with the former Highborne known as high elves.

Though the thought of the High Elves working with the strange humans to work more magic worried the Kal'dorei society, we also shrugged it off and left them to their fate. Loth'loren and I worried not about it- we had other matters that needed our attention. I'd begun to grow in other ways.

I missed my courses about a year after we'd mated, and I became nauseous in the evenings. Neither of us said anything until the tell-tale bump grew between my hips. Neither of us said anything the morning we discovered the first signs of our child- we both stared at each other, tears pouring down our cheeks.

Loth'loren was beside himself in excitement and joy. He began making clothes and toys for our unborn child, brought me treats from Astranaar, and lavished attention on me and the bulge of my belly. He'd whisper to our child as we lay in bed in the morning, or he'd sing soft songs, his face resting close to the babe we knew was listening.

We muttered about names, but due to some instinct, we knew the babe was a girl. We finally settled on the name Alissara, her middle name to be decided when she grew a bit.

At night as I drifted off to sleep, my hands on my belly, covered by my mates, I dreamt of her, of us, and what we would grow to be as a family. I couldn't wait to have her in my arms.

--

I smiled at Loth'loren as I finished making potions I would need during the birth. He smiled back at me before returning his attention to the needle flashing in his nimble fingers as he sewed. He was making a stuffed hippogryph for our daughter, and it made me tear up at the tenderness with which he made the doll. I set the potions in a basket to be carried upstairs, and teetered as Alissara moved rather roughly between my hips, her weight settling differently than normal. She'd been restless today, making wonder how much longer she'd be in my womb.

I rested my hand on my belly, whispering soothing sounds to her, but the shushing noises turned to as gasp and I grasped the table edge in pain as a cramp seized my insides. Loth'loren was on his feet in an instant and was holding me steady. He gazed into my eyes then scooped me into his arms, ignoring my protests as he carried me upstairs to bed.

"I'm fine!" I protested again, though in vain as he brought me some moon berry juice, sitting beside me and stroking my hair. He didn't look convinced. I smiled as no more pain went through me.

"See? False al-ARGH!" I screamed as a second pain tore through me, and Alissara kicked my hip. A gush of warm fluid flooded from between my thighs, soaking the bed.

"And there's the beginning," Loth'loren said matter-of-factly, and he left the room, returning with clean bedclothes, replacing them quickly and without moving me. He also brought my potions, and I pulled one out, downing it to dull the pain.

Loth'loren removed my wet robes and replaced them with a short clean shift before arranging my legs into a proper position and giving me a good long look.

"You're dilating," he commented as another contraction ripped through me, but it wasn't as bad thanks to the potion. He reached for my hand, not even wincing as I crushed it in my own.

"Aunt Selindrila will be here soon. I sent a hawk owl to her."

As though on cue, my aunt came rushing into the room, her violet hair a mess, her robes fluttering.

"Oh you're early! Good thing I was already in town!" she cried, bending forward to check my progress. She frowned.

"Oh my, you're dilating quickly. Loth'loren, get cloths and hot water quickly, as well as something to cut the cord with. Oh, and any rag you can do without, but large enough for the afterbirth."

My mate nodded and left the room. Selindrila wiped my sweaty brow.

"You're doing well for your first birth; this is a remarkably quick labor."

I only wanted my mate back as soon as possible, and I gave a cry when he came back in the room. I reached out my hand before he was even done setting down the cloths and water, holding it out until he crossed the room to clasp it in his own. I crunched on it with a death grip as another contraction hit me.

"Okay, Keliara, it's time," said my aunt from the foot of the bed. "Push!"

I screwed my eyes shut and pushed, and screamed as the pain hit me like claws. My hips felt like they were breaking, and the flesh of my nether felt like it was ripping to shreds. I screamed again; I wanted to give up- this hurt so badly! I pushed again, because this was my daughter. I had to have her in my arms! I felt I was going to black out….the smell of the blood, the pain…I heard my left hip crack…surely my daughter couldn't make it through! She had to be stuck!

A cry. A thin, but strong reedy cry, a fussy, indignant wail. The voice of my daughter pierced the air, and I couldn't help but reply with a cry of my own.

"Such a beautiful little girl!" Aunt Selindrila crooned, wiping her off, her back to me. I craned my aching neck. I wanted to see my daughter, damnit! Loth'loren wiped my brow.

"You did well, my love," he whispered, his mouth against my ear.

I wasn't listening. Where was my baby?! I almost started to panic. Was my aunt going to run away with her? Was here something wrong she didn't want me to see?

Finally- FINALLY!- my aunt came to my side and handed me the warm heavy bundle of cloth that cocooned my baby girl. I sobbed as I gazed at her, the way she fit perfectly in my arms, her soft round periwinkle face, her little ears, her tiny nose. I stroked her plump cheek, kissing the soft fuzz of purple on her tiny head. Warm liquid spilled on my shoulder, and I looked up to see my mate crying quietly as he gazed at her. Without a word, I offered her to her father. He cradled her to his chest, stroking her ears, his eyes brimming with tears.

"Our baby girl, my little girl. She's so perfect! She's so beautiful! She has your nose!" he exclaimed quietly, his voice shaking.

"Alissara, my baby girl," he crooned, rocking her in his arms. She squirmed and then wailed. His eyes went wide in horror.

"Did I scare her?" he whispered. Aunt Selin chuckled.

"She's hungry!" she said. "Just hold her until the afterbirth."

She already held the old rag in her hands.

"One more push and you're done; the placenta must come out."

I sighed then pushed one more time, and gagged as something spongy, slippery, squishy and gelatinous all at once slid out of me. Aunt Selin wrapped it up quickly to spare everyone from looking at it.

"Give the babe to Keliara- she won't have milk for a few days, but she still has some nourishment in her breast."

She left the room to dispose of the afterbirth, and Alissara was placed back in my arms. I pulled down the front of my robes and guided her to my breast. She latched on with ease, suckling eagerly. I was filled a million emotions, and wonder at the precious new life that took nourishment from me. Tears poured down my face as I tried to take it all in.

"I love her so much. I have only seen her all but a few minutes and I love her. How can you love someone so much that you've only just met?" I whispered as she drank. Loth'loren said nothing, but nuzzled my face.

I never pretended to know everything. I knew there was much to learn and much to know. But I did know this one thing.

I had never been happier in my life, and as long as I had this, I would never want for anything.


	4. Chapter 4

Alissara grew quickly, and we grew to love her more everyday, and the bond between Loth'loren and myself grew stronger as we witnessed every milestone, from her first words, first steps, to her first haircut. She enchanted and enthralled us, and everyday I wondered how I could have had a hand in creating a life so full of wonder. She had us wrapped around her tiny fingers- her father especially- and she knew it, using her big eyes to make him melt.

Our nights started with her toddling into our room, Winger- as she had named the hippogryph doll her father had made for her- in tow, and she would clamber into bed between us, snuggled between our chests, holding a lock of our hair in either of her little hands, and we'd doze off for an hour in quiet bliss before starting our routine.

I taught her to read and write, and Loth'loren taught her of the plants and animals. Between these lessons she would play with our sabers, trying to play hunting games with them, and we both agreed she was being drawn to the path of a hunter.

As she grew from toddler to adolescent, her violet hair grew long and thick, her long silver eyes quick witted, sharp and sly, and claw markings appeared on her face. She also grew skilled at evading us when we called her to do chores or to take a bath, and she always mysteriously disappeared into the woods when Loth'loren and I got dangerously close to needing alone time.

She'd been delighted when she found out she would have a girl cousin to play with- Soliese, Aunt Selindrila's first daughter. I'd assisted in her birth, but it had been difficult; Selindrila was of a slight build, even for a Kal'dorei woman, with a wiry slender frame and small hips that had not let a babe through them without breaking. It had taken her a long time to get out of bed after the birth, and I advised her not to rush to another pregnancy soon. Selindrila was thrilled with her little girl, who was beautiful and shy, but Alissara took her under her wing and taught her all her tricks and sly ways, boosting her little cousin's self esteem and breaking her shyness.

We had relocated closer to central Ashenvale to get away from the coast after rumors of the Burning Legion fighting a human mage with the aid of dragons reached our ears. This new home gave us ample time to flee to Moonglade, which was now closer, should the alarm sound from the East coast. This didn't concern Taeldras and Selindrila, however. Believing that the dragons had taken care of the threat, they stayed in their home on the coast, but did take up temporary residence near Astranaar. Selin had become pregnant again. She loved babies, and decided she missed having an infant to care for, and that Soliese needed a little sibling. She was happy, Taeldras was happy, and the children were wrapped up in the blissful ignorance of childhood.

Loth'loren and I silently worried. The world was too calm and perfect, despite the brewing war to the East. Something was going to go wrong.

-----

'I hate it when I'm right,' I thought bitterly, wiping my aunt's sweaty brow as she panted in fear and pain. Her belly swelled heavily under her shift, which was now pushed up to her ribs. She was going into labor early…too early, yet the babe was large- and at a bad angle, refusing to slide her head in between her mother's hips. I had been apprehensive of this pregnancy for many reasons, and I feared my suspicions were true.

Selin had no idea of the sex of her unborn child. I'd been positive of Alissara's gender, and she had known Soliese's. Other women in the village had known without a doubt of their babes, as well. The fact that Selin didn't know made me worry that she wasn't meant to know- that she or the babe wasn't going to make it this night. I was also worried about the damage that had been done with Soliese's birth. Was everything inside of her ready for this?

"Oh Elune, Keliara, it hurts!" she screeched, tossing her head back and crunched her mate's hand in a death grip. Taeldras, ever the seasoned hunter, didn't even wince as she audibly broke three of his fingers. He just continued to whisper soft things to her, his only concern his mate- and the blood that came from her womb.

I tried hard not to panic as the blood flow went from that of the flow of childbirth to the gush of something wrong. I felt my face blanch.

"Something's wrong! The child must have kicked the placenta or torn one of her arteries! I have to get the babe out now, or they both die!" I cried, assessing her dilation as she screamed in agony and fear. I looked up at her to see her eyes roll back in her skull.

"Keep her conscious, Taeldras! She ahs to stay awake or she might not wake up! Do you hear me aunt?" I said loudly. "Stay with me!"

I poured another pain numbing potion down her throat then settled back at her knees, looking up at Taeldras.

"I'm going to reposition the babe- she has to be born soon or they may not make it- something inside her is bleeding too profusely."

I dunked my hands in the boiling hot water in a bowl next to me, ignoring the burn, and grabbed a clean cloth, putting on her knee, ready to wrap the babe. I took a deep breath and reached into Selin to feel for the babe. The child was resting her shoulder stubbornly against the opening in her mother's hips. I gently pushed the shoulder back, then pushed her other shoulder, carefully guiding her head into the passage of Selin's narrow hips. As the position was righted, the contractions of Selin's body began to work- and Selin pushed with them- too hard.

"No! Selin, don't!" I screamed, too late, as the side of her belly blossomed with a large red, black and blue bruise. She'd torn something else. She couldn't hear me, too caught up in fear and pain. Her eyes fluttered as they stayed in the back of her skull, and a spasm rocked through her chest. It was with a sudden wrench of my heart that I knew she was dying, and it was adrenaline and her natural instincts keeping her body alive to bear the child.

"Taeldras….," she whimpered.

He caught her limp hand in his, bending to put his face, contorted in agony, close to hers.

"I'm here, Selindrila. I'm here my love."

She tried a few times to speak and choked.

"I love you," she murmured. My uncle's face screwed up in pain.

"And I you, my Moonflower. Always."

She reached out with a trembling hand and touched his face.

"Take care of them. Tell our baby I love her and tell Soliese not to hate her sister."

She jerked violently as the babe, a female, slid free from her body, and I caught the squalling infant in the clean cloth, wrapping her snugly. I couldn't keep the horror from my face as blood practically gushed from her. I didn't know what to do- I knew I could never hope to be able to heal such a wound so deep inside her.

"I-I'm so sorry, aunt!" I cried.

A calm spread over her as her eyes fell on the infant whose cord I had just cut.

"Just…let me hold her before…and all that's done's forgiven."

I laid the infant in her mother's arms, and placed my hands on her belly, trying in vain to find the source of bleeding. My aptitude in healing wasn't good enough; I couldn't find it in all the blood and damaged muscle. Tears blurred my eyes and spilled down my cheeks. My lack of healing ability couldn't save her.

"Don't cry, Keliara. This isn't…your fault. You saved her…you saved my baby…"

She turned her head to kiss her infant, then looked up at her mate.

"Don't cry…my love. I love you…please don't cry…my love."

She smiled weakly at him, shuddered, then closed her eyes, going still, her smile never leaving her face. The babe began screaming. Taeldras took her in his arms, holding her close to his chest, sobbing. I reached out and touched his shoulder.

"Please…just go!" He said between sobs.

I took a step back, and the room spun. My aunt lay dead on the blood drenched bed. A sob escaped my lips, and I fled. I didn't stop running until I got home.

Loth'loren was waiting at the door for me. I stood there a moment, and he looked at me, my blood covered hands and clothes, my tear soaked tunic and cheeks. Without a word, he opened his arms.

I rammed into his chest, sobbing hysterically. Like the rock of my life that he was, he didn't waver as I slammed into him, and like the rock he was, I clung to him through the flood of tears, sorrow and guilt that threatened to drown me. I pounded my bloody fists against his chest, sobbing.

"I couldn't save her! So much blood and I couldn't stop it! I failed! She's dead and it's all my fault!" I screamed, burying my face in his chest.

Loth'loren picked me up and instead of carrying me inside, carried me into the woods. He said nothing of the blood, covering my hands, nor did he acknowledge or deny Selin's death and whether I was guilty of causing it. He sat down in the grass and pulled me into his lap, wrapping his warm arms around me tight as I curled into a fetal position against him, continuing to cry. He simply purred in my ear, resting his head against mine, rocking me tenderly. I cried until the tears wouldn't come anymore, and hiccups violently wracked through my ribs.

I curled my fingers around the leather collar of my mate's leather tunic, wishing the blood on my skin would disappear. I couldn't get Taeldras' words, the accusation, under the pain, the hatred in his tone out of my mind.

'It's all your fault,' he'd all but said as he'd told me to leave.

Loth'loren rubbed his cheek against the top of my head, his hands stroking my shoulders.

"It's all my fault," I whispered between hiccups.

"It's my fault those little girls don't have a mother to love and raise them. Poor Soliese is going to wake up tomorrow and find she has a sister, but her mother is dead because I couldn't heal her."

I was rambling, my voice shaking, my words coming out fast and panicked. Loth'loren put a fingertip to my lips, quieting me, then pulled back to look me in the eyes. His gentle face was calm, but his eyes were worried- for me.

"Keli-bird," He began softly. "You try to bear the weight of Azeroth on your shoulders and you become upset when you cannot do it, and it breaks my heart when you think yourself a failure. You raise our daughter, you teach her, you care for little Soliese, you are a loving mate, and you yourself learn more everyday. You're a mother, a a mate, a teacher and a student. No one is perfect, even though we try to be. You told Selindrila it was too soon to birth another child. The birth was hard on her and she was frail. Did you not warn her multiple times she needed to be careful and needed more time? And this child, I assume the babe was ill positioned?"

I nodded fretfully.

"You could not have prevented the positioning of the child. You tried to correct the problem but the babe probably kicked Selindrila in a crucial place, tearing an artery. With so many veins and capillaries in the womb, and so much blood, even a priest, or a druid specialized in healing would have had a hard time healing that much damage. You and her instincts as a mother kept her alive long enough to save the child. You cannot blame yourself; it wasn't your fault."

His voice was soft but firm, and it cut through the cloud of guilt. He kissed me and pulled me into his arms as he stood. I was grateful for it, as my crying had left me drained.

"Now, my love. Let me draw you a bath and make a draught that will let you sleep without dreams."

He carried me inside and as promised, drew me a hot bath, washing the blood off my skin tenderly, silently. While I dried myself off and slipped into a nightshift, he made my drink. I downed it quickly, and followed him upstairs on shaky knees. Already weary from the physical and emotional stress, I was asleep moments after my head hit the pillow, my last coherent thought being the sensation of Loth'loren's arms holding me tight.

---

Taeldras came by the next evening to retrieve Soliese. He had the baby with him. I kept my face an emotionless mask, swallowing tears as I saw the baby girl for the first time, her little face not covered in blood. Aside from her father's ultramarine hair she was a carbon copy of her mother. Soliese gaped at her.

"Daddy! She looks just like Mama!"

She looked up at her father, who was gazing at Loth'loren, his expression unreadable. Loth'loren, on the other hand, had a very readable expression on his normally serene and patient face. It was challenging, defensive, and held a note of warning. He was daring Taeldras to blame me. As if reading his mood, Kalishi, Taeldras' blue and white striped saber, began grumbling uncomfortably. Taeldras finally looked at his eldest daughter, who smiled sweetly, her hand not letting go of her baby sister's miniscule hand.

"Is Mama at home?" she asked. Taeldras knelt before her.

"Wingling, your mother was hurt very badly by the baby. The baby got stuck and made your mother bleed a lot…," his voice choked off. Soliese may have only been nine years old, but she understood perfectly well why there was so much tension in the air. She whirled around on her heels to face me, tears of anger and pain glittering in her eyes.

"YOU DID IT!" She screamed. "You let her die! You could have saved her, but you're a selfish druid! You don't heal! You just play with stars and moonlight instead of helping people, and now I don't have a mommy anymore BECAUSE OF YOU! I HATE YOU!"

She lunged at me, hitting my les and kicking my shins. I stood there taking the fury of the heartbroken little girl as her words rang in my ears. Was I truly selfish by answering my path? With a snarl and a lithe loping sprint, Alissara was at my side and snatched her cousin by the wrist, yanking her away. At fourteen, she was a match for the angry nine year old.

"You listen to me, Soliese," she said sternly, making the younger girl look at her.

"My mother told your mama to wait a long time before having another baby. Your mama was a small lady; having you hurt her a LOT! Your new little sister got stuck, just like your daddy said. My mother tried to get her to come out right, but your mama was already bleeding a lot. I heard my daddy say that even a priest would have had problems healing your mama."

I closed my eyes. She had heard everything last night. She knew…and didn't judge me. Didn't think I was a selfish woman. She still loved me. 'Why is it tragedies always make children grow up so fast?' I thought sadly.

Soliese yanked her hand away from Alissara.

"You don't care!" she cried. "YOU still HAVE a mommy. I wish SHE would have died instead! IT'S ALL HER FAULT, and I don't wanna ever see her again!"

She turned and fled down the road. Taeldras cried after her, and Kalishi ran ahead to stop the fleeing child, grabbing the back of her dress in her mouth. Taeldras looked at Loth'loren, who met his gaze evenly.

"I think it's best you leave," he said. His words were passive enough, but the slight growl that came under his tone implied that nothing good would come from his further antagonizing. He gave me one last look that made a coil of self loathing unfurl in my stomach, then left.

My daughter hugged my waist carefully.

"You're not selfish, Mama. Daddy always says listen to your heart. You can't be selfish for that. We love you for being a fluffy chicken," she said, giggling at the mention of my moonkin form.

I kissed my daughter's brow as Loth'loren put an arm around my shoulders, and a hand over one of Alissara's.

"I love you both so very much," I whispered.

"We love you, too, Mama, and we'll always be here. Right, Daddy?" she chirped. Loth'loren gave a small smile.

"She's right. We'll always be here, Mama-bird."

"For the love of all that's good, let that be true. Let it be true," I said quietly, looking to the trees through which an unseasonably cold wind had begun to blow.

'All that's done's forgiven…,' my aunt had said.

But could I forgive myself?


End file.
